First eye exam...check ✔️

Count it! Ryan (and his parents) caught a break! He crushed his eye exam. He did so well  and I'm very thankful for Shawn who help Ryan's hand while I sat in the hallway trying to collect myself. I tried hard to be strong and watch it but I spared everyone and stepped outside when I got hot, my feet got cold, and I felt like I was going to puke. When I saw his heart rate equal his O2, see ya in a few! Lol Thank goodness Shawn can deal with that stuff. Like the time they were trying to find a vein for an IV. I was holding his hand and the nurses kept saying "mom are you ok, mom are you ok" yup I'm fine....20 seconds later,mom you ok, yes I'm going to do this....and then um I think I need to sit down. Darn it! Well I tried and that's all that matters! Anyways....Ryan was at stage ZERO for his eye exam which is good. No issues for this week. He will have an exam every week for awhile, fantastic. Maybe next week I'll try to watch. Dr. Gold was wonderful and the first thing he said when he was about to put the eye drops in Ryan's eyes "boy he's fiesty huh?" First thing I thought of is, this guy is smart and knows Ryan well already. If you can't pick up on that about him while working with him, you have a problem lol. 

Goal of the week, take a poop and eat some food. 2 things that I will pop a bottle of champagne or chug a beer for when they happen. Today is day 42/42 of his antibiotics so 2 less mess after today...amen!!!

Ryan is 4 lbs... Crazy crazy I can't believe it. A fun fact for the day, when Shawn holds Ryan he brushes his hair with is beard. Now Ryan loves having his hair combed when he gets his hands on. Temperature, clean his mouth, change his diaper and a combover.....So cute! 

It's ok to act normal

As I end my second week at work it's been difficult to say the least. It's ok to not ask me how Ryan is doing. I actually would prefer it. People at work have been great but I think everyone has gotten the initial " welcome back, how is Ryan doing" out of the way so let's get back to business. Work has been a great distraction for me. It is hard when people treat me differently now when they see me. They have a sad look on their face, act super extra nice or give me a pathetic look. I don't want to be treated differently. I know everyone cares and wants to know what's going on but it's exhausting to talk about. I breathe is every second of my life and to not talk about it even for 5 minutes is refreshing. So please, I know everyone cares and is interested but use this blog to check in on how Ryan is doing. I write this to share with everyone how We are doing. And remember, even if I say Ryan is doing well today, it doesn't make all of this any easier. Everyday is a huge mountain that my family is climbing and We are extremely thankful for everyone's support to help us climb upward.

A couple of pictures to end the week. Happy 8 weeks to our sweet sweet Ryan who amazes us everyday.

Xo Andrea Shawn and Ryan 

Exploritory surgery...check ✔️

Yesterday morning was one of the hardest things we have been through. It was intimidating when Ryan's room became an OR and there was a path to walk in to give him finger kisses before a big surgery. It didn't help that he was ticked off since the OR team had to keep touching him and if I haven't said this before, Ryan is very sensitive and he hates to be touched. It ripped our hearts out telling Ryan how great he was going to do while he turned beat red, squirmed and you could tell he was trying to scream bloody murder. It was the hardest thing leaving that room but he Kim was his nurse that day thank goodness. I know she took care of him like he was her own child, she always does! 

Ok so now that the scene has been set, moving on to better things :) The surgery went well and Ryan had intussusception. Google it, you have my permission. The surgeon had never experienced this with a preemie before so they were surprised with the outcome. 1 out of 1,000 preemies have this. Pretty rare. That's Ryan for you, always keeping everyone on their toes. A nurse yesterday said that Ryan hasn't been following the rules or the plan for preemies. All I could think of is how Shawn and I really have our work cut out for us when he comes home :) OH Well!  

Looking forward to getting some much needed rest the next few days and getting Ryan back to feeding and growing. 

Hopefully back on track!

Xo Andrea Shawn and Ryan 

Tap tap tap

Don't mine me I'm just patting myself on the back for surviving this week. Now I know what Shawn has felt like trying to balance work and a baby in the NICU the past month (minus the pumping part). 

Ryan is doing ok this week. He is scheduled for a bowel exploritory surgery on Monday morning. He has a lot of air in his intestines and isn't pooping so we need to figure out what the problem-o is. A little cut above his belly button and some peaking around will hopefully fix the problem. His surgeon is going to do a great job. He might have his eye exam this weekend.  Sounds easy but the other nicu moms have said that this is traumatizing to watch. And if the strongest moms in the world are saying that then I believe them. They put a metal spring thing to expand the eye and this rounded spoon to look around the entire eye....yea I don't get it either.  So we are preparing for a busy weekend and week. 

Ryan is 3 lbs 5.9 ounces and 13 1/2 inches long. Getting big! 

Happy 7 weeks Ryan! 

Xo love Andrea Shawn and Ryan 

Also as I finish up this post Saturday morning this is what Shawn is doing at 630am while blasting raggea music that reminds him of our honeymoon-ja cure....Time is precious around here! The pool was crystal clear yesterday! 

Back to life....back to reality

Back to reality is right. Today was my first day back to work and the day went really really well. It's always overwhelming anyways coming back after being out from a vacation never mind having a baby unexpectedly.  I only had almost 200 emails that I needed to really read and make sense of ( thanks boss for deleting the junk otherwise I would of had 1,000+ and I probably would have turned around and walked out for the day lol) I'm sure there were 75 reminder emails in there from Chet about rising stars and pizza :) Thank you to those that stopped by my desk to welcome me back. Also thank you for the texts. It made me smile when I got them that you thought of me!  I was reminded today how lucky I am to work at such a great place. Below is a picture of the beautiful flowers from Melissa, light pink peonies, my favorite. Oh yes on that note....I put the flowers on the floor in my car and had to slam on my breaks behind an awesome driver in Manchester on bridge st. The entire thing tipped over and I think a gallon of water spilt all over my passenger side floor. Oh well, the floor needed a good washing anyways. I know my priorities have shifted when it didn't even phase me that I dumped the water! 

Ryan is 3 lbs today!!! Shawn got to snuggle with him tonight. His legs are starting to really look like soccer legs....yessss! And he has Shawn's ears we all confirmed, attached earlobes and all. Shawn learned what these were tonight. His belly is still big but overall doing well. Once the belly is fixed then we can work on the lungs and hopefully take out his breathing tube.  

Xo Andrea Shawn and Super Baby

Don't google it

One thing I have been very good about is not googling terms and issues that I have been told Ryan is dealing with. I am so proud of myself for this since it's so easy to google something these days. Google is amazing but it can tell you things like having a cough means you are going to need your left arm amputated. It's a slippery slope and I promised myself I wasn't going to fall down that. I have to remind some people--wink wink--- you know who you are, to stop googling things. I only use google to find out what slang words mean that the nurses and docs use. I base my questions and judgment off of the doctors reports and facts. No need getting myself all worked up over google saying Ryan will grow a third arm because he has dirty blond hair :) 

Since Ryan has been "home" ( I never thought I would call a hospital a home) he has been doing very well. He is like a new baby since having his heart fixed. The blood is going where it needs to go and things, for today, are back in track. Next mission, get his big Buddha belly down. He has a lot of air in his bowels so we are hoping that deflates soon. I will miss rubing his belly asking the nurses what their wish is when it's gone ;) 

My new favorite thing that Ryan does is he opens his eyes when we talk to him. It's so sweet and it makes me feel so good knowing that he knows that we are with him. Every nurse has greeted us back from Boston. Ryan is 2 lbs 13.5 oz and is getting so big!  Ryan loves sucking on his paci. He can't hold it himself in his mouth so someone holds it in there for him. Somehow he suckered one his primary night nurses to stand for an hour holding it in his mouth this morning. I say an hour but Rachel wouldn't tell me really how long ;) she said she loved doing it. Again, why I love this place. 

Ryan has had about 6 or so blood transfusions over his 6 weeks of life. I did want to mention that when babies are transfused they are only given O negative blood. If you have O negative blood you have probably saved several babies lives like Ryan's so thank you for donating!! 

This is a bitter sweet next couple of days for me.  One of, actually my only mom friend here, is bringing her other twin home tomorrow. I'm so happy for her. One of her babies went home last week so now they will be together again. She is a pleasure to talk with and I'm looking forward to keeping in touch with her after she leaves. Rachel's mom made these hats for Ryan. One has a blue heart on it and yup..... that's a football on the other. So thoughtful :)

Happy 6 week birthday Ryan!

Xo Andrea Shawn and Ryan 

Ryan is back in NH 😊

A baby shower without a belly

Yesterday I had my baby shower and I could not have asked for a better day. I was excited, nervous, anxious...just a mix of emotions for the day. When I walked in the room it was exactly how I pictured it. All of my close friends and family that care so much for Shawn, Ryan and  I. Perfect company that made me feel so comfortable with a different take of a shower. Of course we all imagine that we are going to be large and bending over a huge belly trying to reach for gifts. I already had my maternity maxi dress picked out before Ryan was born so trying to find a regular dress to wear was hard. Anyone that knows me knew that I absolutely LOVED being pregnant. It's been very hard letting this part go but yesterday I feel like I made it over this hurdle. I truly can not thank everyone enough for such a wonderful, normal but extra special day. No one cared that I wasn't pregnant. Everyone was there to celebrate Ryan and that's why it was so perfect. I hope everyone enjoyed themselves as much as I did. 

Shawn and I are hopefully making our last trip down to Boston today. I'm happy the sun is shining, it makes the drive 1,000 times better. Ryan is a whole new baby since his surgery. He responded very well to the PDA closure and everything for the most part is back on track. His heart is pumping blood throughout his body to where it needs to go----Good job heart! Ryan was cleared to come back to NH last Friday but he needs a team to bring him back. Looks like that will be tomorrow. Fingers crossed. It's my last week living as a nurse/doctor/mom. Next Monday I'll add case manager to that list.... Sigh. I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of things and my old routine, minus the gym :( I miss all of my fortitude friends. I'm hoping to get back for 2016. That's my goal :) and to be able to do just one pike and a push-up in the straps lol. Baby steps ;) anyways only about 5 people will get that haha. I'm curious to see how it will play out balancing a baby in the NICU, pumping and working full time. I consider this a challenge. ...That's the competitive side in me. I know it will all work out. I mean, I gave birth without the class and alot earlier than planned and I survived ;) 

That's all for now. Maybe today we will treat ourselves to a lobster tail and a cannoli at Mike's Pastry. 

Hope everyone enjoys their day and happy 5 weeks to Ryan last Friday! 

Xo Andrea Shawn and Ryan 

PDA surgery...CHECK ✔️

Finally finally finally. We can check this off the list. Ryan had his surgery tonight and it went well. He crushed it... I'm not surprised. We waited very patiently for his turn in line for the surgery, almoat 3 days but who's counting, WE ARE! Wow what a looooong past 3 1/2 days. The surgery team today kept telling our nurse that they would be "right up for Ryan" for 2 hours. The NP said that the entire NICU should give them a standing ovation when they walk in the door. Frustrated mother or just typical Me said " we should just all yell FINALLLLLLLY when they show up. The nurses were pissed off that the OR made us wait since Monday for this. Oh we had some laughs today with the staff. Ryan had the same nurse the past 3 days, Amra, she was so so sweet. She signed up to be his primary if we ever come back or are still there when she is back on next wed. I like it in Boston they have been giving him great care but I want to be back home. She told us it was nice to care for a "normal family." Haha oooooookay. And after being at children's I can see why ;) 

We left Ryan tonight with a ton of finger kisses all over him. We will see you tomorrow sweet sweet boy...

From 93north-

Andrea Shawn and Ryan 

This one goes out to Ryan's NICU team back home

Vent session/post::::

Well today was fun....not. We are down at Boston Children's Hospital. We came down yesterday afternoon and have been lucky enough to stay with my uncle for a few nights. Ryan was supposed to have his heart ligation surgery today. We waited alllllllll day for a time. We thought for sure it would be today since that's what we were told. It started with "oh he will be the first case so that's why we are calling you at 2am for your consent for the surgery... sorry to call so late" to " we still don't have a time" and then at 4:15pm we got the lovely " so the surgeon just called and they can't get him in today. An emergency surgery came up and pushed him to POSSIBLY tomorrow." Awesome! Well Shawn and I enjoyed the view in the main lobby of the hospital for about 5 hours today since we can't stand in Ryan's room all day otherwise our legs would fall off. There isn't much of a family room but two or three uncomfortable chairs up against the wall.  

Ryan is doing well but he misses his team. The nurses here so far have passed the Andrea test and have been great but still no one beats his team back home. Ryan (and Shawn and I) miss you all. It's not private here, everyone is moving a million miles a minute and they just haven't been with Ryan for the past 30 days. We can't wait to get back to our home away from home!

 Love from Boston

Andrea Shawn and Ryan