Who turned on the light switch (I'm not complaining)

I feel like since July 1st a light switch was flipped. Ryan is now in a crib, no more isolette, wearing clothes, eating, and can be swaddled. There are still on going issues that need to be worked out but overall doing very well. We are still taking it day by day around here. This weekend was really nice to spend time together, Ryan, Shawn and I. Shawn and I were able to enjoy our pool for a couple hours and grill, a small window of normalcy has never felt so good. Shawn and I gave Ryan his first full sponge bath from both of us since he was born. The last time I gave Ryan a bath he was a week old and just over a pound so I felt a lot more comfortable this time around.  Who knew bathing a 4 1/2 lb baby would take an hour lol! We were getting every crease and in between a couple rolls he has, I even took a Qtip to in between his cute toes.

This morning when I was talking with a nurse while holding Ryan's hand I told her that Ryan has been through hell and back and I'm so happy he is, for the time being, catching a break. The nurse looked at me and said "and you and Shawn have been through hell and back." I try to stay positive through this entire thing but it actually feels good to say out loud that we have been through hell. I do a good job to keep a straight face walking around even when I have felt like we were at rock bottom. I don't want to make people upset letting them know how bad and difficult things have been. It's easier to keep things to ourselves. I always try to tell myself though that things will be better and Shawn reminds me of that everyday. We appreciate every second of good when we have it, even if it is in fact for 10 seconds.

Last weekend Shawn and I grabbed a bite at Billy's before heading home. There was this little boy that was sitting behind us and he was bouncing around in the booth. The Dad apologized to us for his son being loud. We did not care one bit. That night/3am I saw a post on the NiNi Bambini facebook page that said "Nini community a fellow mom needs our help" I recognized the young boy so I clicked the link. It was a go fund me page with a family picture with the young boy from Billy's. His mom was 24 weeks pregnant with their second baby. She was having some complications and she was out of work earlier than expected and the father was also recently out of work from a surgery. Long story short, the doctors had to get the baby out so they had her go into labor. In a weird way I was so excited that another 24 weeker Mom would be in the NICU with me. Shawn and I were looking forward to bonding with another family that would have been going down a similar path as us. Even when someone has a baby at 28 weeks, it's not nearly the same. I kept checking the page to find updates and eventually they did post that the baby did not survive, just over 1 pound. This hit Shawn and I hard. It was a reminder for how lucky we are to have Ryan in our life. When you have a baby at 24 weeks the chances of survival are slim and as a the days/weeks pass, the rate increases. I am so proud of myself for being so disciplined during my pregnancy that Ryan was so string even when he was born at 24 weeks.

It felt so good this weekend for Shawn and I to hold Ryan like a real baby.

I'm hoping tonight we can lite our giant neon sparklers we bought this weekend for the 4th. They have been staring at us for 4 days on our kitchen table.

xo- Andrea Shawn and Ryan